Beat Final Fantasy XIII-2. I need to put out the disclaimer that Final Fantasy XIII was not my favorite game in the world. It was all right, but not enough to push me to play the sequels. However Greene seemed pretty enthralled with the Fabula Nova Crystallis mythology and explained it to me, and out of curiosity I decided to continue with the series. The sequel is... again, all right. I think it's worse than the original because it doesn't have that same in-depth character exploration, which is what made XIII really shine, but still on its own it's OKish. I have only three major complaints:

1. You're either all in with the Pokémon or you don't do it all. I've seen this type of hybrid system before with other games and it just doesn't work. Stop doing it. The monster has a completely different leveling system (which requires grinding to get the materials I want to make it more powerful), it doesn't fit into the paradigm system as well, I pour all my resources into this one monster only to later in the game find one with better base stats the first monster couldn't even think of achieving... Just give me a third party member. Don't do this collection bullshit.

2. There was an excessive amount of padding. Originally it was cool seeing all these new areas, and at some point I realized they were just sending us back to the same five places over and over. And most of them never even changed all that much during the centuries, so it was super boring to walk through it the third time. I came to Yaschas Massif to solve some red orb problem... and then return ten years later to work on the same problem?! Honestly it would've been great to have a unique area for that, but if you're going to do it in Yaschas Massif, why divide that into two time periods? Why am I learning the bare minimum of plot they gave to Mog in Oerba? Two of the times I'm in Bresha Ruins it didn't really add anything to the plot.

3. Fuck the DLC. Just fuck it to hell. For Lightning's chapter, you fight Caius, but it's virtually impossible to beat him the first time around. Literally her entire chapter is battling him, losing, getting some XP, and then fighting him again. Rinse, repeat. That's not fun. That's not interesting. That's just Square trying to extend playtime to justify paying extra for that chapter, when in reality it gave about ten minutes worth of plot. What's worse is I finally beat him at level 4 after an hour-long battle... only to find I can't unlock his second form and fight him fully until level 5. After that I just gave up and watched the ending on YouTube. From what I can see Sazh's DLC is playing poker repeatedly, but at that point I was so pissed from the Lightning fiasco I just stopped caring.

I have some issues with the plot as well:

• Why was it necessary to make a new Cocoon? Originally it made sense to try to float it on their own, but once you realize the pillar is gonna crash nevertheless, why not just get everyone out (which you need to do anyway to transport them to new Cocoon) and have them live on Pulse?
• If Caius could achieve his goal via suicide, why didn't he just do that in the beginning? Greene suggested he wanted Noel to replace him, but I don't understand how that would help his ultimate goal of ending Yeul's cycle.
• If Caius was taking care of Yeul because of his l'Cie mission, why didn't he just walk away when Etro removed his mark? Why did he keep taking care of Yeul? Also, why did Etro give him her heart when she could just remove the mark like with Lightning's crew?
• If Etro freeing Lightning and the rest of them from the crystal was the original paradox that fucked up everything, killing Caius doesn't really negate that original paradox.

Maybe this'll be explained in Lightning Returns, but at the rate I play games I'll get to that c.2025. Overall it's all right, but I think for the backstory Greene presented to me, this game wasn't the best narrator for it. It's relatively short, especially if you decide not to collect all the fragments, so if you decide to see how the Final Fantasy XIII crew grows (except for Snow, who to my dismay did not mature at all in the three years since the first game), it's nice to pick up.

Each time they talked about paradoxes (which was very often), all I could think was that Raiden video and them screaming, "TIME PARADOX!!"

Arkham Origins, which most don't consider when they think of the Arkham series. It's by a different studio and I could tell instantly it had a lower budget because the graphics look like a souped-up PS2 game, and they didn't have the Conroy-Hamil duo. For that I thought this would be a shit game, but I was pleasantly surprised at how well it was fleshed out. The plot is done quite well with a twist midway I wasn't quite expecting, and I think this scene is one of the best in the entire series.

Most of my complaints are minor: 1. Some aspects of the game are dissatisfying: You never capture Penguin and he spends the rest of the night having a threesome, there's never a good fight with the Electrocutioner, hell you never even get to fight Branden, and the Riddler (who hasn't taken up that mantle yet) never fully makes an appearance so you can't beat the shit out of him for being a dickhead. 2. Holy shit the grapnel gun never fucking works. Maybe it's because I came off of Arkham Knight where you could launch yourself off of almost anything, but half the time I'm smashing the button to launch this thing and it's not connecting ot anything. The worst is if you're off the side of the bridge and trying to get on top, but there are limited access points. 3. The gear was so good in this game, especially the Electrocutioner's gloves! Holy fuck, where were those in the other games? I would've liked Deathstroke's remote grapple that immediately tied enemies to the gargoyles. 4. Why the hell didn't they subtitle NPC conversations? I've stated multiple times they are the height of the series, but when I'm like twenty stories in the air I can't hear very well, and without subtitles I just miss everything. It's such a shame. 5. The graphics really did ruin the experience a bit. If the map weren't based off of City I think I wouldn't've cared, but now I'm comparing the two and wanting to see what City would've looked like before it became a shithole and the graphics aren't providing. 6. Did I really have to beat the game to put on different Batsuits? I fucking paid for the DLC, just let me wear it. 7. Menu interface could've definitely been done better, but it's not the most awful in the world.

Even though it's a different studio, I can see Origins did influence Knight in a lot of ways. The best example is probably the fighting system, where Batman is now flying all over the place like anyone can just leave across fifteen feet to deliver a punch to someone's face. And also the crime scene investigation where you reconstruct everything to make a video. Even though it's impossible in real life, I actually loved doing it, examining the evidence and figuring out trajectories and such. Origins does this more than anywhere else in the game, and the Black Mask apartment scene was especially really good. One thing I really appreciated is Batman had to investigate regular murders too, which shows what he does on the regular when shit isn't going to hell.

Baddies in this game are Black Mask, Joker, Killer Croc, Electrocutioner, Deathstroke, Copperhead, Shiva, Deadshot, Bane, Firefly, Penguin, Mad Hatter, Anarky, and Riddler. Origins really shone with some of the boss fights too, especially Deathstroke's, which is really the fight I wanted from Knight. Firefly's was also amazing with the bridge collapsing around you. I really enjoyed Mad Hatter's universe in Knight and it was done possibly even better here. The final boss fight was very nerve wracking and done well. For some reason Copperhead's poison had Scarecrow-like effects, and I think the developers handled it better because instead of random monsters it was someone Batman couldn't save asking why he didn't, which I believe is more of a true fear for him.

Overall a solid installment for the series. I don't think it's on the same level as City or anything, but if it had a better budget I think it would've really shown. Good work guys.

First and foremost about Knight: Fuck the Batmobile.

Honestly, if it weren’t for that, this would’ve been the best game in the series. By far. As I was playing Arkham City, I thought I would love this game even more if it were just Gotham in general, and that’s what was delivered here. Really, it’s amazing to see what designers will plan for a completely made-up city. Did you see those bridges with giant statues on it? Or the suspension railways? It didn’t matter if you were up in the air or wandering around the ground, there was so much detail put into Gotham.

But unfortunately there’s the Batmobile. If they hadn’t put so much emphasis on it, I would’ve been fine. Would’ve been cool with chasing after APCs, maybe do a weird racetrack. When it’s required in the dungeons, not so much. At some point I’m standing in front of an elevator, but it’s not working. I had to control the Batmobile to put it up, get out of that mode to step on, go back to the Batmobile to slowly lower it. Same bullshit getting back up. That’s not fun or challenging, just annoying. Also, Deathstroke shows up in this game. You excited for an epic showdown? What if I told you there’s no hand-to-hand combat—which is what he’s known for—but rather you gotta shoot at his tank with the Batmobile?

Speaking of which, I think the Cloudburst fight shot up to my top five most nerve wracking fights of all time. Think of any game that involves sneaking around, like Metal Gear Solid or whatever, and now imagine trying to do that with the fucking Batmobile. What were they thinking?

Plot is the height of the series, hands down. It’s a great exploration of Bruce’s thought patterns and mindset, plus the terrible business with what happened to Jason. The best part is the studio where you see Batman’s guilt and horror, the hilarity of Joker serenading him with spotlights and music, a team up section with Robin, and an amazing plot twist at the end.

What I really did enjoy was the crime scene investigation. It was fun already in Arkham City, but this took it to the next level. It did get to the point of fantastical, but reconstructing what went down really brings home how he’s the world’s greatest detective, which I feel is often forgotten.

This game has Azrael, Poison Ivy, Riddler, Joker, Harley Quinn, Catwoman, Penguin, Deathstroke, Firefly, Deacon Blackfire, Hush, Professor Pyg, Man-Bat, Simon Stagg, Two Face, and Scarecrow, and in the DLC Mr. Freeze, Nyssa and Ra’s al-Ghul, Mad Hatter, Killer Croc, and Black Mask. For once you actually get to fight most of these guys, and it’s fun to bring them back to the police station and see them interact with one another in lockup. Professor Pyg was fucking horrifying and I can imagine being a police officer stumbling over that insanity. And I heartily recommend getting the DLC because each one was fun: fighting in Mad Hatter’s book, uncovering the cruelty in the prison blimp, the bittersweet ending of Victor and Nora Fries, and choose whether to save Ra’s al-Ghul.

Post-game DLC is great too. Particularly of note is Harley’s because it shows her fucking insanity and Red Hood’s just due to the fact he has a gun. I’m spending time trying to slowly punch people as Batgirl and Robin, and I blew through Hood’s chapter because he’s just shooting people in the face.

Riddler’s puzzles I feel were easier in this game, just more annoying. It’s possible I just got more skilled at it after City, but I think they required less finesse and just focused more on using the Batmobile. However, he does have these underground puzzle dungeons, and those admittedly were really fun to figure out.

Also, the rave reviews in City of NPC chatter? It’s back and the writers put in all the effort here. I’m laughing like a maniac as I fly over the city, hearing a rioter mention he needs to wrap it up soon because he has to pick up his kids in the morning. Or militia talking about the mathematics of Two Face and his half faces. Whoever you people are, you’re the ones who carried the series.

Besides the Batmobile, there are smaller complaints: For one, there was no final boss fight. Also, the battle with Jason was a disappointment; for a guy who trained the militia on what steps to take to counteract Batman, he didn’t do any of that shit. I thought this was gonna be two people sneaking around, trying to get the upper hand. There’s a lack of dungeons, but Asylum actually had the most and City and Knight were half of those.

What the hell was Tim’s and Barbara’s romance? That shit was weird, especially since Nightwing was in the picture. And I didn’t mention this in my City review, but Joker’s sudden flirting with Batman in that game was really weird. The dude wasn’t even trying to make a hint of that in Asylum, so why lay it on heavily in City? Mad Hatter starts doing that in Knight, calling Batman his Alice and talking about putting a wig and dress on him. Why bring it out from nowhere?

I think what I feel for this game is disappointment because it should’ve been so amazing, would’ve been so amazing, if the Batmobile weren’t dragging it down. It’s such a shame that they did that. I guess they were proud of everything they programmed and had to roll with it. Otherwise, good job guys.

Now time for Assassin's Creed III. I have to first make a disclaimer that I started this game in 2018 so my memories of the earlier parts are a little hazier. This probably is down with the first game as one of the worst in the series. Let me start by saying the franchise isn't the best: The characters aren't very interesting and the plot is dumb, but I love climbing all over historical urban environments. I haven't played Assassin's Creed II since the early 2010s, but to this day I can remember with startling clarity parkouring Ezio up the cathedral in Florence.

Assassin's Creed III doesn't really have that. Boston and New York in the 1700s haven't created the architecture that's jaw-dropping enough to draw interest; hell, a good portion of New York is fucking burned down. So the vast majority of the game is wilderness. And herein lies the studio's problem with game design since day one: They create massive environments, but there isn't a lot of stuff in them. What they do is construct famous landmarks with fine detail, but the everyday buildings people live in look exactly the same and there isn't enough visual difference for me to navigate or even care about what I'm looking at. Let me compare to Arkham Knight. Yes, storefronts were replicated, but in my head I can still remember the lighthouse by the movie studio, the intersection for Gotham's version of Time Square, how the train tracks moves through that Eiffel Tower thing, the Halloween balloon floats by the GCPD, the shops underground below the skyscrapers, and the dock area on the southern part of Founder's Island. If I'm asked to even remotely lay out a city map for Boston or New York, I've literally got nothing. Ubisoft just made bunch of skins for buildings and plastered it everywhere.

This is massively worse in the "frontier" because if you've seen one tree or log, you've seen them all here. Oh, I can recall the coastline to the west and east, where the fortresses are, Lexington, Monmouth, etc. But it's not fun to run through. Let's take another game, Breath of the Wild. Most of that game was climbing up the side of mountains or fighting in forests or swimming up a waterfall. I haven't played that game in a long time, but I still can vividly recollect shrines, ponds, cottages, stabbing enemies on scaffolding over a ravine, finding a tower surrounded by tar, the beautiful rocks around Zora's Domain, stumbling upon dragon skeletons... Exploration was the reward in that game. It's just not in Assassin's Creed III. Yeah, there are the feathers or treasure boxes, but I just indifference. As I said, tree 1 looks basically the same as tree 384.

The next issue is Connor. He's just boring as character. Altair went from douchebag to humble leader, Ezio was cool in everything he did, but Connor... I don't think he ever really knew what he was doing. His thing is revenge, specifically against Charles Lee for burning down his village and killing his mother. Everything else he did was really trying to put roses on his actions. Yeah, Ezio's was vengeance as well, but he really became a leader who furthered the Assassin cause. Conner... well, he made the homestead but just kinda invited people to live there and none of them were assassins. He meanders his way to his end goal by saying he wants to protect his village but ends up killing those of his people who don't agree with his methods (including his childhood friend). He allies himself with the Patriots, even though it should be very evident they don't like Native Americans any more than the British, and then is surprised when he learns Washington has killed some of his people. Also his voice actor is not very good. Really, I would've preferred to play the game as Haytham and I was so sad when we found out he was a Templar.

Assassin's Creed III also closes the Desmond arc. The premise behind the franchise is interesting—that you can access memories of your ancestors through your DNA—but as the series progressed I found the modern-day portion to become the most farsical part. Yeah, it was cool back in Assassin's Creed II when you saw the first glimpses of the "truth" and realized there was this ancient civilization that the Assassins are probably descended from. But then we learn that everything was destroyed in a solar flare (which somehow causes massive earthquakes?) and we have to stop it from happening again. Ubisoft, is that the best you can come up with? Where the hell did that come from? You walked away from that conference room thinking that was a good idea? When Desmond has to make his big decision about his fate and that of the world, at this point I'm just incredulous about the whole situation that it means nothing to me.

However that section does provide the funniest part of the whole game: When Desmond breaks into Abstergo, for some reason he and all the guards are using swords on each other. Why? It's literally 2012. Why aren't you all using guns? Can you imagine touring the White House and all the secret service are sporting scimitars instead of a glock?

So yeah, this was a very underwhelming installment. Normally I try to collect as much as possible and play the DLC because even after all my bitching Assassin's Creed is still fun to play, but I didn't have the emotional attachment or amusement to put in the extra effort. Hopefully the next game will be better.

OK, Arkham City time.

The first thing I noticed was combat improved significantly. Whereas before I would be shitting my pants facing a group of eight in Arkham Asylum, here it’s not a particularly difficult problem. That’s not to say Batman can mow down crowds, but getting caught during sneaking isn’t the game-stopping problem as before. There’s also the bonus that they split the health bar between bullet damage and melee damage, which gives you major breathing room.

The second thing is a confession: I am willing to play a shitty game if the environment is interesting. Assassin’s Creed has a nonsensical plot, boring characters, but goddamn do I love climbing all over Florence cathedral so I’m willing to tolerate it. The great thing about Arkham City is it has the interesting environment with the added bonus of being a good game.

The city itself is a broken-down slum, but the developers were able to create nuances in the neighborhoods that if you plopped me down anywhere on the map I could instantly tell what area I’m in. The smoke stacks towered over the Industrial District, whereas you can see the faded, beaux-arts of the Bowery. Quite possibly my favorite section was the train station, seeing that massive glass dome like it was NYC’s closed City Hall Station. Fucking beautiful. Runner up was the museum just because of Penguin’s fucked-up displays, and pressing all the buttons as he narrates like some demented tour guide.

Batman was still pretty dumb. A political prisoner approached him and said someone was actively after him, and Batman thought it was time to have a conversation. Well guess what? Dude got shot in the head two seconds later. It’s not as bad as Asylum, but a little disappointing. I did appreciate how he investigates crime scenes in this game and tries to gather evidence, particularly in the Deadshot and Hush sidequests.

In terms of plot, it’s good but I think not as solid as Asylum’s. While playing there was always a part of me that felt incredulous any municipality would abandon an entire island to be an open-air prison. I mean, they’ve done weird shit like this in the comics too, but I complained then as well. I do not remember this whole Cobblepot/Wayne connection, but maybe that was added in later comics (I kinda stopped reading c.2000). And if I had to guess what the test would be to lead the League of Assassins, gliding through a desert just seems silly.

Baddies in here are Two Face, Penguin, Solomon Grundy, Harley Quin, Joker, Ra’s and Talia al Ghul, Bane, Mad Hatter, Hush, Poison Ivy, Clayface, Calendar Man, Zsasz, Deadshot, Riddler, and Hugo Strange, but you never actively fight more than half of these. I’m thinking the game didn’t want you battling the same baddie from the previous game (except for Ivy and Joker), but it led to some unsatisfying endings. Like, seriously, we just put Bane behind a gate and he’s trapped? That’s it? Dude is one of the most physically strong characters in the Batman universe and he can’t fucking rip that shit open?

Also, I want you to look at that list and guess which one is the final boss. Would you have chosen Clayface because I never would have.

Of course Conroy and Hamil were amazing, but I am gonna give a shoutout to whoever did Strange and Mad Hatter because that was amazing.

Riddler was so extra here that I’m beginning to think he’s the best villain in the Arkham universe. I mean, how was he able to get into all these locations and set up platforms and pressure switches? And he knew Strange put on the batsuit and cried while looking in the mirror? Dude has some skills. He also forced me to get skills of my own because holy shit some of these puzzles were ridiculously difficult. Not in terms of brain, but in terms of hand-eye coordination. I would spend fifteen minutes on one sometimes. And it was worth it because those concept arts were so absolutely gorgeous that I bought an art book for this game. One complaint I have is the Riddler trophies were really distracting visually; I would be in detective mode and all I can see are these green platforms and such.

The Catwoman sections were aight, but not amazing. I’d prefer to go back to Batman, but they weren’t insufferable. Playing as Robin post game was really exciting and it was super funny seeing he drew the explosive gel with an R instead of a bat.

But you know what I think is the best part of this game? Whoever wrote the dialogue for the regular baddies deserves all the money. Holy shit, I would just spend hours perched up high and listening to them talk amongst themselves. It is some of the funniest shit ever. I thought the quips and such were good in Spider-Man, but oh man Arkham City took it to a whole other level.

The funny thing is after writing paragraphs talking about how I liked this game, I still prefer Asylum. These two games were going for different feelings--City more action, Asylum more horror--and I think although City is a superior game in every way, Asylum just hits you more viscerally.

I should probably leave game reviews here at least so I can go back and look at initial feelings, just for posterity's sake if nothing else. So, Arkham Asylum.

My first mistake was starting this right after beating Spider-Man for the PS4 because I inevitably started comparing them mentally. Asylum was about a decade before and also was trying for something completely different. The first is the battle system; it's much clunkier and feels off. Assassin's Creed II was released the same year so it's not as if the technology wasn't there, but I'm wondering if it's because Asylum emphasizes so much on stealth that it's trying to discourage the player from engaging. Part of the problem is there's no healing and thus very little forgiveness for mistakes. If someone has a gun, you're more or less screwed because three hits and you're dead. But even other weapons or just too many opponents are very difficult to overcome. If you're sneaking around, fine. I can pick them off. However a mandatory fight can fuck you over quick. It's just somewhat surprising for a dude who supposedly knows dozens of martial art styles and has a belt of gadgets, he seems to be unable to take a couple of guys with ease.

Speaking of Batman, I think my biggest problem with the game itself was his idiocy. In a universe of people who can fly, control sea creatures, or lift cars with ease, what he brings to the table are his resources, cleverness, and contingency plan for almost every scenario. So you'd imagine after being gassed once by Scarecrow, you'd fucking wear a gasmask or something, not just deal with it another two times. Don’t fucking tell me he doesn’t have some sort of protection in that Batcave of his.

What's worse is how he continually tells people to wait here because they'll be safe. They won't. They're not. Yet for one group of people he advises to fortify the door and guess what? They survive! Too bad he never told anyone else that or maybe guide them to that location. I counted and literally only eleven people walk away from this night alive. The first group, fine, I don't think Batman knew the extent of what he was dealing with, but once you start seeing the prisoners leaving bodies hanging from the ceiling, I think it's best he not leave people just standing around the greenhouse as if they're going to be OK.

In terms of plot, it was fine and interesting to see how Joker's plan unfolds. Although I would prefer to see the entirety of Gotham, I like the claustrophobic feeling of being stuck on the island during a massive prison break. I understand they wanted this to be horror, but I look at the facility and wonder why hasn't this facility been shut down because it wouldn't even pass building code, and what year did they think this game would take place because no sanitorium would look like this after c.1950? I think the designers pushed this theme to the point the architecture just got nonsensical, like public showers in the weirdest of places (right next to the welcome desk to the penitentiary) or a morgue literally right outside the doctor's office in the admin building.

The lineup here is Zsasz, Bane, Harley, Scarecrow, Poison Ivy, Killer Croc, Riddler, and Joker, some of whom you never actually fight. Unfortunately for most of the boss fights they just follow Bane's fighting style and pattern, so there's less variation. Scarecrow is the same fight thrice, and Killer Croc is the most annoying section of the game where you have to walk extremely slowly so he doesn't detect you, except he jumps out of nowhere every thirty seconds anyway to attack you.

Probably my favorite part of the game was solving the riddles and unlocking profiles to see references to all sorts of Batman baddies. Tweedledum and Tweedledee! I completely forgot about those dudes. Getting the goddamned camera to focus on it and accept that I'm staring at the solution is a whole other problem though.

Overall though, I did enjoy the game and am glad I played it. The buildings and environment are fun to explore, the story and characters are engaging, the voice acting is good (bringing back the animated series I see), and I did feel my heart pumping a lot of the time as I tried not to get caught. I wouldn't say it's the most amazing thing I've ever played, but good work guys.