My neighbors were running late this evening and asked me to babysit their kids and put them to bed. Of course like most households, I had to read them a bedtime story. What did these kids hand me? It's a book that explains where babies come from. OK... so I thought it would be like, "The baby is growing in mommy's tummy! Look how big her stomach is!" And then the parents head to the hospital and bring back the new baby sibling. Or something.

I was fucking wrong. It explained in graphic detail the reproductive system. With diagrams. These kids I was babysitting were chanting, "Scrotum! Penis! Rectum!" repeatedly ten pages in. Once the authors started describing that sperm is created in the testicles, I had to stop. I had no idea where this road was headed, but I wasn't about to let it lead me to describing how sex works to a five- and seven-year-old.

I put the book back on the shelf and tried to pick something innocuous, but now that I know what the parents were buying for their kids, nothing seemed safe anymore. Would truck-nuts be nailed onto The Little Engine That Could? I had no fucking idea anymore.

I texted mom and dad about this, and when I got home dad greeted me with a shout of, "Scrotum! Penis! Rectum!"